Snape's View
by Lissy1379
Summary: Ever wondered how Snape feels during the Philosopher's Stone? Well this is how I imagined he'd feel throughout the book within different scenes which feature Harry and Snape, and a few without too. The characters and book/ plot etc don't belong to me.
1. Incomprehensible

**Prologue: Incomprehensible**

Incomprehensible: incapable of being understood.

Albus was the one who sent me the owl; the one who gave me the news; the one who lied to me; the one who gave me hope when there was none; the one that I hated.

_Severus,_

_What we have feared has indeed happened, the Potters are dead. But, their son; Harry still survives. It is a sad day, but one that will be remembered for Voldemort has perished. I am sorry, I never thought that Sirius would betray the Potters, and I am sorry on my part, I should've done more to protect the family._

_Albus_

Lily. Tear stains spattered the paper, and it was almost impossible to read some parts: but, I did manage it, I was left with rage and hatred for the man I had risked so much for. But still, there must be hope, there must still be a chance that she was still alive. It must be a bluff, it was the smallest thing I could do to convince myself, I had to. I looked up at the room I was in, one of the professor's rooms at Hogwarts, the one He had given me. But, I had to move, I bet he daren't face me, which was why it was by owl I received the news.

I stood up, off the bed, and went straight through the door, and down the corridor, everything turning into a blur until I was stood in Hogsmeade, it was from there that I apparated hurriedly to the fountain in Godric's Hollow. I stood there for almost ten seconds, just gathering my bearings and hoping against all hope that he was wrong, that Lily was alive, that everything was okay.

I strode off towards the house, feeling the cold, and forgetting it in one single moment. I was lucky to have overheard conversations and to know that at least the house was based in Godric's Hollow. People trusted too much. I pushed the thought out of my head and hurried onwards. It was now obvious where the murder had taken place; there was a house which was partially blown to pieces, that was stood there, daring to be there, daring to exist, daring me to hope that Lily wasn't dead.

I gulped, and moved closer to the house, my strides getting longer and faster the closer I got.

And finally, I reached it and dared myself to go in, past the over turned pram, and the banister minus the rails. This couldn't be true, it was all a dream, that I'd wake up to find myself in my room at Hogwarts. But, as much as I willed it to be true, I found myself standing before a body; it was that of James Potter.

At the sight of his body, I found myself despairing. But, maybe, just maybe, Lily had disapparated and escaped the wrath of Voldemort. In my heart of hearts, I knew this was wrong, knew she hadn't, but the truth was incomprehensible.

I had hated James all the time I had known him, but with him dead in front of me, I found myself wishing that he was alive. Better James Potter alive and well than Lily Evans dead and just, dead.

I looked at the doors at the top of the stairs, there were three; two shut, the other open and surrounded by boxes, obviously used as barricades. I could also hear a wailing, a baby it seemed. If the baby was alive then maybe, Lily had a chance too. I used this as hope, the thing that spurred me onwards and persuaded me to open that bedroom door.

I found myself in a nursery, obviously for the child. I looked everywhere and anywhere but the floor. I examined the curtains and the cot, the carpet and wardrobe, the baby and the rocking chair. But finally, I had to look at the floor.

And, in that moment, my heart broke. I seemed to die as I saw her sprawled on the floor. Her eyes were glazed and open, her back twisted and bent, her hair splayed out and messy. But still reality didn't sink in. I was in a bubble that was just me and her. I knew she wasn't asleep; she couldn't be, but still I dared believe.

The baby then chose that moment to cry; that was what woke me from my terrifying, surreal trance. I realised it was true, I realised so many things in that moment. But, there was nothing left to do but break down and cry hysterically.

I rocked her in my arms and told her things I'd never dared to say before. I told her I loved her, I told her everything I could.

But the moment was stopped and broken, by trudging, loud footsteps. My head snapped up and I found myself in a defensive position, daring whoever it was to attack myself and Lily. The door opened, I fumbled for my wand. A form slid in, I felt the starting of the words come from his lips, I wanted to cause them pain, I wanted them to suffer, "Sectumsemp-"

It was Rubeus Hagrid, stooping into the room, I reluctantly lowered my wand. "What?" my voice was hoarse and cracked from crying. No doubt I also had tears stains and a puffy face too.

"I've come for the boy," he spoke defensively, seemingly expecting me to lash out at any moment.

"The boy..." I trailed off. "Oh."

I only then truly looked at the boy who had stopped crying when Rubeus walked in. He seemed ugly, tear-stained and snotty-nosed. But I looked at him with wonder, he was sat there in a daze, his family dead and he didn't even know that something was wrong.

He seemed like a familiar stranger, the hair so obviously belonged to his father; the one I hated the most. But his eyes, his eyes belonged to his mother; the one woman, and only woman that I loved. Harry Potter took my breath away.

Hagrid then strode towards him and took him in his arms. I wanted to scream out at him and tell him to leave him be, so I could look into his strangely captivating eyes. Hagrid seemed to really look at me then, "Albus says we're to take him to live with the muggles."

Albus Bloody Dumbledore, almost as bad as You Know Who himself. "Leave him," I sounded desperate and knew it. "I'll look after him, he needn't go with them."

Hagrid looked shocked and taken aback, "Sorry, can't, his orders."

It was then that I turned and properly looked him in the eye, "I said, I'll look after him." This was Lily's boy, I felt compulsion to look after him, and make him my own. But Hagrid just gave me an apologetic glance and left, and I felt myself striding after him. The boy then started mumbling, "Mama, want mama."

The baby then looked at me, "Sev?" his voice was a mixture of Lily's and James'. It made me want to cry, and I did, there in front of Rubeus.

He gave me a tentative pat on the back before climbing onto the back of humungous motorbike and kicking it into life, also obscuring the baby from my view.

"Goodbye," It was Rubeus that spoke that word, but the baby's "Sev" was still echoing inside my brain.

"Goodbye," I replied, this was the beginning of my end; the one that I deserved.


	2. Dismissal Too Early

**Chapter One- Dismissal Too Early**

"Could you keep an eye on Quirinus (Quirrell) for me this year Severus, I think he may have bitten off more than he can chew currently." Albus made the remark offhandedly, as if it was normal to not care; as if he didn't care about all the sacrifices he had made: of people.

I could play casual too, "Sure."

This was the point that he'd get more serious, yes he'd start speaking in five, four, three, two-

"Severus, this is a serious matter, I think..." he trailed off. "Well, it doesn't matter what I thought, but I think this could have something to do with Voldemort."

The name didn't bother me, it was (yet again), the casual way in which he said it; as though it didn't matter that he was a murderer.

"Seriously, I will, I'll make sure that I remember, and keep an eye out to see if he's digging into anything that he shouldn't."

"Thanks. You know you don't have to do it like a stalker; just ask an extra question here, and watch him there. It might just be nothing but my paranoia in my old age."

"You sound like you're convincing yourself more than me now."

"Hmm." He sounded like he was choosing to ignore that remark. He always, always twisted everything to make it seem easy and trustworthy.

"You know Harry's starting Hogwarts this year." So that was what this was all about, he didn't normally bring me into his office for no reason. As much as I despised him for saying this, he now had my full attention and priority.

"We need to keep an eye on him, can you do that for me?" How could he actually do that? He gave me... Hope? Was hope even the right word, even I didn't know the answer to that. I think too much.

"Will do," I gave him a salute, one he didn't deserve.

So, as I made my way down to the Great Hall, I was preoccupied with my thoughts. Well, with thoughts of Harry. I hadn't seen the boy since he was tiny, and even then I somehow felt protective. He wouldn't want me near him, why would he even want to know about me at all? He had the muggles for that; they made him happy and safe, Didn't they?

I was sat by Lily's grave; I visited her weekly, and had to put up with the vermin James Potter's grave next to hers too.

I put the bunch of lily's softly by her grave, and I just sat there, for a while thinking, just thinking.

I knew that her boy was starting Hogwarts the next day, and I knew that if I was him I'd be bloody terrified of everything. According to Rubeus, he'd only just found out that he was a wizard. The muggles had kept it from him all these years, so he wouldn't have a clue about magic or what the new lessons would entail.

It was then that water dripping down my neck seemed to wake me from my thinking trance, it was without thinking I began to speak, to whom I didn't know. Most likely Lily, "Albus said to take care of him and I will, at least to the best of my abilities. I keep thinking about him, will he be like you, witty and caring."

(Definitely Lily it seemed.) "Or will he be like James, immature and lazy; always looking for trouble."

I gave a nervous laugh. "The worst thing is I'm scared he'll be like James, and I'll hate him for it. Sure, James saved my life, but he was the most annoying and angry person I had the misfortune to meet. I'm bloody terrified Lily."

It was then that I started crying again, not for any reason other than my emotions catching up with me for once, I needed to get a grip and I told myself that too. But still, I could only wait and see what tomorrow held.

"Sev," still rang round my head, except by now I'd worked out that it was something in my imagination, it was probably wishful thinking that had conjured it to life.

I stood up and started making my way out to the apparition point. Why did life have to be so complicated and cruel? I'd given up on karma a long time ago, once upon a time I believed it existed, but if it did, why was Lily dead?

Only after I'd settled ready for sleep that night, did I remember Albus' odd request about Quirrell, why did he need watching? I'd probably ask Albus tomorrow, but the next day I forgot until evening, and the next, and the next, some unbidden forces were at work...


	3. Doppelgänger

**Chapter Two- Doppelgänger**

Doppelgänger: A German word: a ghostly duplicate of a person.

Sorting was always a chance to figure out who was worth watching and who was worth leaving to their own devices. Oh yeah, and laughing at school acquaintances' children.

But for once this year's sorting meant something unnatural for me: curiosity. Not listen-learn-and-then-gossip-later type of curiosity, more I-really-wonder-about-that-kid curiosity.

I was seated under the ceiling, and impatient; of course most of the school had already arrived, it was just the first years and little Harry Potter who had yet too. To say I was wondering was an understatement; I was downright nervous, excited and feeling like a bloody five year old starting school.

Finally after seemingly hours of waiting the first years entered the hall. I craned my neck and peered furiously like so many of the students did, I searched for _the_ famous Harry Potter.

To say I was disturbed when I saw him was probably an over-exaggeration, but he was the spitting-image of his father. I could almost see in my mind's eye the swaggering, arrogant teen that was his dad. There wasn't a single hint of his mother. And that was when I began to feel hopeless.

I'd thought after Lily had been murdered, the least that I could do would be to look after her son, but god-damn Albus had intervened. Apparently there was to be as little contact between the wizarding community and him, so that as little attention was drawn to him as possible. I was forbidden like I was no more than the terrified young boy I had been when I was a child. By God I'd heard stories from the likes of Dedalus Diggle, and been jealous.

But now he seemed so much like his father that I was worried he was exactly the same: messed-up hair, he thought looked "cool"; same gangly body that he would no doubt grow into muscles when he was older; and even the exact same shape of glasses as his dad. So don't blame me if I was annoyed; I wouldn't be surprised if he turned out to be a Quidditch player like his dad; probably maybe a Chaser too!

And Lily... There was not a hint of her inside him, when he was a baby I perfectly remembered the ghost of Lily staring right through his eyes at me. But now I couldn't even see those eyes or a speck of her. His eyes would probably have changed colour like most baby's do, they might even be hazel like James'.

But he looked nervous, and I guessed that was similar to her too. I just waited and watched, praying that he would somehow transform into Lily.

The Sorting Hat then began to half-sing, half-read its poem/ song and I was still transfixed upon this doppelgänger of his father.

The Hat then started to call out the houses of students, therefore deciding to reveal the fates of the terrified adolescents before it. Only then did I tear away my gaze from The Boy Who Lived to examine the bunch of pre-teens. There were a fair few that seemed to stick together, and I could easily see from sallow-faces and pointed up noses who would become the Slytherins. The confident smiling ones would no doubt become Ravenclaws. The nervous few that remained would be a mixture of Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors. It was ridiculous how much being a teacher could help you predict the outcomes of various students' lives.

As the Sorting progressed, there became a clear pattern that there were going to be a fair few Hufflepuffs this year. The Slytherins were the usual pure-blooded suspects, although I was amused to see Lucius' son get sorted. He had exactly the same thoughtless and sneering mannerisms as his father.

But finally it was Harry's turn; he sat there for over five minutes –I was counting- until he was finally pronounced a, "GRYFFINDOR!"

The poor boy looked so relieved, but I also felt a stir of anger in my heart, he was just like his father and mother; brave enough to stand up to evil, and look it right in the eye over the crevasse of death. But unlike them, he has survived. Which I half-hated and half-loved him for: if he had died, his mother may have been saved; but if he hadn't lived, she may have been heart-broken. Or she may have died too and there wouldn't even have been a single remain of her. Either way I was still unsure of what to think.

He sat down, and the Sorting was concluded with around five others being sorted. The second-to-last anyone could've known what house the boy would be sorted into. He had red hair and shabby robes; the tell-tale signs of a Weasley. And sure enough, like his family before him, he was sorted into the house of Godric Gryffindor.

He went to sit with Harry, and they then engaged in a relieved-looking conversation, and I then knew I should look away.

I distracted myself by listening as intently as I could to Albus' speech. I tried to listen, I tried to concentrate, I tried to do everything at once but was unable to; my thoughts kept flicking back to the young boy and the legacy and love he had contained within him.

Even when the speech was over and food appeared I could hardly think about anything else. And I could hardly eat too: every mouthful was forced, and every sip was a strained gulp. I was nervous about some stupid boy! Whatever happened to the brave man who defied and crossed the Dark Lord? But then I shook my head; no time for thoughts like those.

I did my best to distract myself by striking up a conversation with Quirinus. Anything, but that boy, we talked about his travels; anything but the boy. We talked about the new Wolfsbane potion; anything but the boy. We talked in whispers about the Philosopher's Stone; anything but the boy

But eventually my will overpowered me and I did turn to give the boy a wondering look, only to find that he was staring right back at me. The look he bestowed upon me was with such curiosity, that I was reminded of Lily when she saw a new book or found out some new information. Curiosity with wonder and interest, and this scared me.

It was his eyes also; as I'd seen before; they were Lily's exact shade. The reason I hadn't believed that earlier was due to the "sky lighting", with shadows, flashes and moonlight; hardly suitable for studying eyes. Or perhaps I had only just noticed because of our eye contact. But either way it didn't matter, he was still the legacy of Lily although he did look a bit too much like James for my liking.

**A/N: So! What do you guys think? Please review: reviews are appreciated; reviews are loved; reviews are amazing; and reviews probably think this author should stop using the word "review" in this way. Anyway, I am SO sorry for not posting or writing earlier. This has been at the back of my mind, and I don't really have a decent excuse. I just couldn't be bothered, was reading, procrastinating, and revising for my GCSE's. But reviews are still loved. I'd say something like "if I don't get 10 reviews I won't update", but that would be harsh and I doubt that I would actually get that many reviews, so yeah :/ I will try to update a lot more often, but don't really expect much more until at least the week after next as I'm going to be in Germany. Anyway, constructive criticism is much needed, and I would love you if you did give it. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it **


End file.
